Monday, December 7, 2009

Brutal Honesty


Always strange when you start a new blog. Not sure what to write about and who would even read it. I am sitting here wide awake at 1 AM after too many cups of coffee today and a long road trip with 2 fussy toddlers and a friend. I watched Coraline tonight, strange movie by the way but it was very eye opening for me (no pun intended, ok maybe a little ;).

My daughter Lorelei is the love of my life but lately she's been so hard to deal with. I know it's the age, she's almost 3 (January) but I've really been taking stock in a lot and I feel like I am affecting her and in not a good way. Lying in bed tonight as my husband sleeps I couldn't sleep and felt convicted of having my priorities off, WAY OFF. I have been working hard over the last few years growing my art business and striving (key word) to be published, be noticed, have a following and be successful. Nothing wrong with being successful but it's bad if it gets in the way of your family and raising your children. I may never have another kid, who knows I may have 3 but if I can't do my best in raising up my daughter on a daily basis I shouldn't be blessed with more. I have found myself getting annoyed if I'm trying to blog on my art blog and she comes over to talk to me. I get upset if she wants to create with me and I'm in the "zone" and that's just not right. She's been throwing fits and attitudes at me a lot lately and how I respond isn't helping. Today she was so defiant I was yelling at her and I feel so awful about it. We've made up and there is no bad blood but I'm failing as a mother at the moment and need to make some changes. I know it.

Starting today I am going to only create art for Bad Girls Project 52 (I'm on the design team for a year) and create art for fun and with Lorelei. If I sell a piece of art because someone likes it, then great! I'm not going to mass promote it on Twitter, my blog and Facebook it's such a waste of time and takes up too much of my time with little or no response. Life is too short to live it online trying to make your life grand. Yeah there are critics who will say you need something for you, you need a hobby. Yes that's right but I have a responsibility to my girl and there is always time for hobbies in the future. I'm not quitting all together I'm just changing my focus. I feel like there will be a blessing for her and for me in this. She needs me and I need her. I'm going to start exploring hobbies with her and nurturing her the way I should be. Just typing this is freeing and I know I'm making the right decision. Follow us on this journey if you like. This blog is where I'm going to post our grand adventures and times together. Her and I. Because of that I need less online activities to maintain. I am offering 40% OFF everything in my ArtFire and Etsy shop, even sales items. I just want it gone and need to start fresh with her. 40% OFF until it's all gone! Life is too short people!! I hope you understand!



  1. That post really hit home and was truly eye-opening. I am dealing with the same thing with Maya (attitude, fits, etc) when I freelance at home. It seems like an impossible balance-trying to wrote these articles, doing content, etc to get my name out there are a writer. Meanwhile Maya is turning into a um, what is the nice word? sometimes brat with fits. However, when I actually shut off the computer, TV whatever and focus on her she is so much better and at the end of the day so I am.

    It's so hard though as mom's because we try to do everything and of course we want to still have our passions to be important. I almost think that it is easier to go to work and come home, but then I wouldn't have any time with her, so there has to be adjustments.

    I have also recently heard that being a mom is actually enough and all that other stuff (while still important) should never be more than the kids. It's so hard though cause I (and you) are also trying to establish our careers. I to am just focusing on one project now- and I love how you are doing the same with your bad girl project. Also, what you have (your talent) is never going to go away, like you said it is just a change in focus. That was a very strong post and you are inspiration for me to change my focus as well. can't wait to read about your journey.

  2. P.S Of course I was writing this as Maya was watching Sesame Street, but it's all a work in progress? right?

  3. Good Morning it me the other pea :). There are so many things I want to say but my time is limited this morning so I'll do a quick list:
    1. You are a great Mom, not perfect that impossible, but you spend time with your daughter, not as much as you want but more then most kids get these days.
    2. You actual think about ways to be a great Mom, so many don't even give it a thought, you lose sleep over it, that's special!!!
    3. You have to have you time, if you don't it will come on in every area of your life. The key = balance.
    4. It's worth it!!!! Giving up some of the time you would spend blogging or whatever to be with Lo - it is soooooooooo worth it!!!

    When my older boys were growing up I was young, messed up, clueless about what a Mom looked like and I wanted to be someone important do I could feel good about me. I worked in sanae hours, went out with friends, my house always had to be clean, and the kids always had to look perfect. My fun times with them where few and far between. Then along came Jonathan, it was so clear that he was a specail gift ffrom above that I really thought about what he needed from me as a Mom, I gave up a high powered job and moved to be close to my family and began an amazing journey. It hasn't been a problem free journey, I still made some choices that weren't the besst and havve had their effect but I look at him today at 16yrs old and see this man budding and he's pretty impressive. We talk a lot, about EVERYTHING *sometimes I think some things I don;t want to know( but I love that I am his best friend - that came from always being the safe place in this world for him, where he could come and talk and not feel judged jut loved. When I had those "I've lost my mind moment and yelled when I shouldn't have I too would feel so bad. Then I would go to him, tell him I was wrong and sit and talk about what was bothering me (to a point you know according to age and what he could hadle), I would tell him how sorry I was for losing it and ask him to forgive me - he always did.
    I see so much of who I was with him in those younger years coming out it who he is today (I also see Dad which some of that we could have done without LOL).
    I guess what I'm trying to say is that you care about who you are for your daughter, you may not always do exactly the right thing, which is ok cuz nobody is perfect, but you main priority is her and she will grow up knowing that and that will give her such a sense of security, acceptance, confidance. She'll know that no matter what her Mom loves her and that my dear is a gift that has no price tag. Jonathan was about 10 - 11, had done something that I sent him to his room - grounded!!!! He was pissed, stompped up the stairs spitting about a few "I hate you's" that broke my heart to hear but I knew I was doing what he needed so I simply said "I love you Pooh" hid reply "Ueah whatever!!!" 30 seconds later he comes flying down the stairs looking like he won the lottery, bouncing, all excited saying "I get it, I get it!!!" I was still a little upset with him and replied "You get WHAT!!!" in a not so soft voice - he says "I get that you love me!!!" I said "Of course I do, now get back upstairs" He said " no, no, I mean I get it Mom!!! You love me NO matter what I do!!!!" Still makes me cry when I remember that. He was raised on a foundation of love and you are raising Lo on that same foundation = it will ALL be ok. There will be bumps along the way, but you have an awesome heart and want to be the best you can be for her, she will see that and it will/is going to give her such a wonderfully warm feeling of total acceptance and love which will allow her to be the best she can be.

    okay so much for being short - hope it makes sense and hope it helps a little.

  4. Life is so short!!! I am glad to hear what you wrote and your comments! As I look back over the years of raising three girls and a disabled husband I had to walk away from my business!!! It was my life and my family was not! My dad looked at me and told me to walk away and that day I closed the door on my business and became a mom and wife! I so remember the day like was the best choice I made and not always easy but as I look back on 12 years God always provided and we have made it and I am so much happier! I know when your daughter is grown you will be so happy for this choice! I cannot go back and relive those years but I have pictures and memories and no one can take them from me! Be glad you can do this and I know in 12 years you will not regret what you are doing!!! hugs and prayers, cheryl

  5. Yeah Aimee! You are setting a great example for so many women who struggle with this very problem. I have to continually assess where I am at in this area, check my heart on why I am doing something, or wanting to do something... I have big ambitions too, for my business and for my kids. One thing that helps me is to have a sort of 'work schedule.' Time T for me, U for cleaning/housekeeping, V is for networking/blogging/email etc, W for creating, and X, Y, and Z for the kids/school/family. Now sticking with the rules is the tough part!

  6. Aimee, this is a process through out life. I made that hard decision many times, and evaluate as well, often. Motives are good to look at. I do believe you were up due to the "great awakening" that was going on in your mother call. Know it well. I was up at the same time as you, seeking answers from the Lord. I think it is a good choice, keep balance though, you have creativity, you are so good at networking, and a great wife and mom, such a challenge and to keep. I made choices for the good of the whole, the big picture, what is the goal in the long term and short. Thumbs up. Love this blog and you. Mom

  7. Amiee stopping to re-evaluate our priorities is always a good and right thing to do. God gave you your creativity, and I believe he will guide you in the use of it as you ask him. Enjoy the time with your daughter, it goes by so very fast.


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